Life is but a dream

The Lanyard

2012-01-08T11:57:00.000-05:00

By Billy Collins

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.

Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.

And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

The Abiding Love

2011-12-24T16:40:00.000-05:00

by John White Chadwick

It singeth low in every heart,

We hear it each and all--

A song of those who answer not,

However we may call;

They throng the silence of the breast,

We see them as of yore--

The kind, the brave, the sweet,

Who walk with us no more.

'Tis hard to take the burden up

When these have laid it down;

They brightened all the joy of life,

They softened every frown;

But, Oh, 'tis good to think of them

When we are troubled sore!

Thanks be to God that such have been,

Although they are no more.

More homelike seems the vast unknown

Since they have entered there;

To follow them were not so hard,

Wherever they may fare;

They cannot be where God is not,

On any sea or shore;

Whate'er betides, thy love abides

Our God, forever more.

and this...

2011-10-21T13:55:00.003-04:00

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver

After my heart

2011-07-13T22:26:00.002-04:00

The Bunny: Mom, you're like one of the best mom's.

Me: How's that Honey?

The Bunny: 'Cause you're like exciting and crazy!

when i woke up this morning 04.04.11

2011-04-04T14:12:00.000-04:00

this was on the dining room table

just another of the reasons I love my husband

simple pleasures 03.28.11

2011-03-28T17:10:00.000-04:00

my Bestie Simone

thought I might like Farm House Musings

needless to say I do

this should be arriving any day now

it makes me ridiculously happy

stiff competition 03.19.11

2011-03-19T17:08:00.002-04:00

after 3 botched races

a little adjustment made the car fly like the wind

thank you pine car derby gods!

a tree grows in atlanta

2011-03-13T17:51:00.001-04:00

the approach

getting there

peek

this tree (and this daughter) blossom every year

and every year it is a beautiful miracle

pocket treasures 03.04.11

2011-03-04T10:42:00.001-05:00

discovered pre washing machine

one halographic dinosaur card

three pretty rocks

four chair casters that look amazingly like space ships

that's what little boys are made of

ready to bloom 03.02.11

2011-03-02T08:20:00.001-05:00

my beautiful cherry tree is preparing to blossom

of course there are metaphors and messages in this annual occurrence

how do I do the same?

green is my valley 02.27.11

2011-02-27T10:50:00.000-05:00

no matter how gray things get

plants emerge

grass greens up

and the sunshine returns

sleepy sunny saturday 02.26.11

2011-02-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

friend 02.23.11

2011-02-23T08:57:00.003-05:00

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart,

and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. - unknown

thank you for the lovely gift - just the lift I needed

. _ . . _ _ _ . . . _ .

(morse for love)

caught red headed!

2011-02-21T09:30:00.000-05:00

upcycle 02.15.11

2011-02-15T12:06:00.001-05:00

Gapetto and I noticed a dumpster in front of the largest house

in our neighborhood the other morning

it definitely was worthy of a second look

I didn't remember until 5 pm so I hopped in the car and went back

what a find - a Bernhardt dining room table

with a double pedestal base

the top had water damage (and I don't need a dining room table)

but the bases were beautiful and connected

by an unfinished top that the main top attached to

the entire piece weighed about nine million fifty four pounds

so I went back and recruited Gapetto to help me load it up

isn't the wood beautiful?

they are now cut apart and make lovely bedside tables

so grown up

I haven't decided how I will top them yet

there are round holes for the hardware that attach

the legs to the top

don't you love them?

happy valentine's day 02.14.11

2011-02-14T09:07:00.000-05:00

the Bunny Rabbit went to a sleep-over birthday party last night

so the Dolly invited her Bestie for a sleep-over

valentine waffles

for breakfast

preparing 02.11.11

2011-02-11T15:42:00.001-05:00

last night we made valentines

for all of the twinkies classmates

while they were at school today I made theirs

with love

wishes 02.10.11

2011-02-10T09:08:00.002-05:00

it snowed some overnight

compared to the total shutdown of the Deep South

this snow elicited no response

forgotten sled

when I posted this

this is not what I had in mind

Gapetto with the flu

doors 02.09.11

2011-02-09T12:32:00.002-05:00

working on the original doors

of our 1925 bungalow

these doors have witnessed much

no paint has touched them

there is beauty in the nicks and gouges

reminders of those who have passed through them

lightly sand and varnish coat

the brass and crystal I do not polish

the patina much more beautiful

than anything new

empty guest room 02.08.11

2011-02-08T13:00:00.001-05:00

* * * sigh * * *

antsy pants 02.07.11

2011-02-07T12:06:00.000-05:00

Twins

2011-02-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

need I say anything?

creative pursuits 03.05.11

2011-02-06T08:51:00.000-05:00

light and shadow 03.05.11

2011-02-05T16:29:00.001-05:00

met with all my girlfriends this morning

coffee after

of course we brought our own cups

wonder who stanley is

and how I got his cup

and we saw our shadows

hope springs eternal

the natives are restless 03.04.11

2011-02-04T09:47:00.001-05:00

another rainy day

cuddling

wanna wrestle?

hey!

it's on!

Solvitur ambulando 03.03.11

2011-02-03T10:12:00.001-05:00

we went on our Oakurst walk a little while ago

we talk about plans - plot the future

(as if we can...)

an unplanned pit stop

where is he?

there he is!

the first house going up on your old lot

the only constant is change

The little things 02.02.11

2011-02-02T10:16:00.003-05:00

a chance of sunshine

through the bamboo shades of my room

guaranteed sunshine when she wakes up a little more

Sunshine in my kitchen 02.1.11

2011-02-01T09:05:00.002-05:00

another rainy morning

today it's okay because there are moments

when I actually SEE what I have

a sunny kitchen (even on a rainy day)

coffee already made

Gapetto working at home the rest of the week

nice to have him here

another pot to make

the pretty glass container you gave me for the beans

it's going to be a good day...

Rainy days and Mondays 01.31.11

2011-01-31T09:01:00.000-05:00

woke to dark and rainy skies

you know how that can deflate me

but it is not cold - that makes up for a lot

made 4 loaves of chocolate chunk pumpkin bread late last night

wrapping them for Gapetto to take to work

today is the last of the onsite freelance gig for now

cross fingers for more

final coat of varnish on the linen closet door

from the hallway

drying on top of the dining room table

can't wait to see it up - 2 hour dry time

lunch with a decorater from the neighborhood today

this weeks mission: finish writing application

Saturday 01.30.11

2011-01-30T10:49:00.004-05:00

Good Morning back at you!

You must have been up terribly early

as you are three hours behind and a bazillion miles away...

First thing I do when I get up is check my emails and check your blog

(and enter to win the HGTV dream house)

the morning light in my office is lovely too

this are the LAST pair of earbuds Gapetto is going to buy me...

the only gun I approve of - a nail gun

just finished nailing the toe molding in the hall

all that is a left? sanding and a coat of stain for the doors

off to pick up the Dolly from her sleepover

these will have to wait...

the all great and powerful Oz

2011-01-29T19:18:00.003-05:00

I know that women have been making babies

since the beginning of time...

Bryan

The Bunny Rabbit

The Dolly Llama

but sometimes I look at these beautiful beings

and I think

you know I really nailed this thing...

Soaking it in 01.29.11

2011-01-29T14:28:00.001-05:00

This exchange of mornings along with my excitement

about focusing my creative energies on interiors has reopened my eyes

(I guess I switched my focus some time ago?)

I look for the beauty in everyday things like I did as a young designer

apples and cherries

preparing a relaxing bath

I love the light streaming through the shutters

of my bathroom in the morning

my beautiful new interiors book

along with the requisite Elle Decors

surprise!

my toes are always hidden in warm socks and warm shoes

or warm (and worn) slippers

I'd forgotten that the Dolly painted my nails a few days ago

always by my side

as long as she is sure she will not be bathed

not alone anymore

the Dolly getting ready for a birthday sleepover today

she is beyond excited

quiet moments are planned then dashed

privacy is a thing of the past

this is the reality of being a mother

and I soak it all in

My very own Unibomber 01.28.11

2011-01-28T08:59:00.001-05:00

I am having a very hard time sleeping.

Too excited about morphing my career and too nervous

about the application to the dream school.

It is not having a good effect on my early morning appearance.

Gapetto snapped this and said

'It's like having my very own Unibomber!'

come on MOM!

Dolly's kicks

running late...

319 Miles Apart is a very long way...

2011-01-27T12:04:00.002-05:00

My very best friend has spurred me in to doing something

that I seemed to be incapable of lately - posting.

Here is what she has on her blog today:

3191 Miles Apart

I just found this blog:

http://www.3191ayearofmornings.com/

the story of two friends living on two coasts and since

my very best friend lives about that far away from me

I was moved…So Mrs. Smith - this is for you

Her pictures followed. Go check them out.

So here you go Thelma, just another day in paradise.

Trusty slippers are falling apart - it is very cold in the

corner of my office - 35 out now

Here are the pretty colors of my crooked little hall

that you know I have started and stopped

working on a zillion times

in my crooked little house

pretty floor finally uncovered

my trusty sidekick - Josarino!

She misses you too...

xox

Letter Dated August 6, 1999

2010-08-04T13:47:00.004-04:00

Dear MOB,

OK - you're going to think I'm a kook but I do have some questions. What is he like? What does he like to do? (are these broad, sweeping questions, or what?) I'm trying to locate Braves tickets - I actually got some but they are nosebleed seats but I have several people on it. I just assume everybody loves baseball but of course, I didn't follow it till I lived around a winning team! Is Melanie his girlfriend? Does he do athletic kind of things? I seem to remember that when I signed the papers that Dan was a golf pro - does Bryan like to golf? (we don't but we could point them to a course) Do they like museums, art, music?

As the time gets closer I seem to get calmer - this has all happened so fast, if someone had told me a month ago that Bryan would be at our house next Sunday I would not have believed it. I think it is better that it is happening quickly - I tend to over think things instead of just waiting and letting them develop as they may. At first I was so concerned that I wouldn't live up to what ever he may be looking to find but then I realized I have no idea what he expects, nor he I. I just am happy for the opportunity to meet him and get to know him and love him for what ever he is. And I look forward to meeting you as well and I appreciate so much your openness to all of this and your openness with me. I finally put those books away - they were kind of spooky and were full of weird situations that are so unlike this. Bryan is very happy being adopted and loves you both and I was not forced to do anything nor do I have regrets about my decision*. It seems the books are written by people who were really affected by the closed adoption process and/or were put into bad situations. Maybe you and I can write a book about this one!

In the meantime we are busting our butts on the kitchen - the plumber and the electrician come early next week to install appliances and light fixtures - the kitchen will be finally up and running after 6 or 8 weeks! I can't wait to cook again!

I look forward to hearing from you and I look forward to their arrival...

Love,

Merrily

*Lest you believe me on this - don't. This decision was very painful and has had LONG repercussions emotionally...

Reemerging

2010-07-08T18:09:00.002-04:00

I have been visibly absent in blog land. It started with longer stretches in between posts. Then longer. And longer.

And then.

Nothing.

I seem to have lost my focus along the way.

I forgot why I started doing this in the first place.

It all began with a significant anniversary and a guest post at the lovely and talented Jessica's at Oh, The Joys. And the responses filled me up.

I started blogging to let out the pent up emotions of the past and to try my hand at writing. And I found empathy and friendship and even bloggy hook-ups.

And it felt terrific.

And then the pack came back and I stopped. I did all of the things that just plunge me deeper into the abyss.

Isolating, no exercising, not writing.

The recipe for depression for me.

Because I was doing nothing I felt that I had nothing to write about.

So today I start again.

I am going to yoga, walking and running. I am going in to my studio again.

And I am here.

It may start slowly but start I must.

In Between

2010-05-31T17:25:00.001-04:00

I am feeling In Between.

I am fifty - which gobsmacked me, frankly.

As expected fifty is a time of taking stock, of reevaluation, of deciding what really matters and what needs to go, about the road ahead. It is a time of realization - I am in the middle of my life.

Where I have been is done, where I am going is undetermined. I am stuck in between. And it is an uncomfortable place for me.

I am reading Aloft by Chang Rae Lee and I came across this:

'... But that's the case with almost everyone in the broadening swath of middle age, isn't it, that we're all fatiguing in some critical way (sex, job, family), some prior area of happy vitality and self-definition is now instead a source of anxiety and dread.'

and it struck a chord

it struck the career/job chord

it may have even broken the strings

I know that I have an awful lot to be grateful for and I am, truly.

But where the heck am I going from here?

* * * * *

My sister T. is recovering at an amazing rate. The first 24 hours were very scary but from then on she has soared.

My sister's heart

2010-05-10T23:29:00.001-04:00

At approximately 8:30 central time on Tuesday morning, May 11th my lovely sister T. Marie will undergo open heart surgery. It is estimated to last 3 hours. There is a 95 per cent chance they will be able to repair her prolapsed valve. She is in terrific health otherwise and the prognosis is really good.

I have heard about several open heart surgeries on friends parents or grandparents. All seemed to have good outcomes. Most of them were double or triple or quadruple bypasses. Comments were made.

It is so routine these days.

Happens all of the time.

They've really gotten it down to a science. (?)

It surely seems different when it is my younger sister. It is hard to imagine them cutting her sternum and spreading her chest although I have seen it all on television. They will ventilate her and put her on a bypass machine so that they can stop her heart to work on the valve. There will be a team working, doctors barking orders, anesthesiologists reciting stats, just like on TV.

But it will be my sister under that sheet and mask. My sister who I shared a bed with for years. My sister who I love.

There is no reason to think anything will go wrong.

And yet...

Please hold my sister in the light.

Pieces of letters August 1-3 1999

2010-04-19T21:17:00.001-04:00

These are pieces of some of the flurry of emails that were exchanged between MOB and I after the initial letter and up to Bryan's arrival here for the first time.

MOB August 1, 1999

...I would love to know the titles of the books you ordered. During the 'late 1970's' I think I read almost every book in print about adoption. I was bound and determined to do things right (I just had to find out what that was). Dan and I decided early on that we agreed with the philosophy that Bryan should know from day one that he was adopted. We would use the word adopted frequently enough during his early years, that it would be a 'comfortable' word, not a 'strange' word. We explained there was more than one way to start a family.

You are right. I do have conflicting emotions, however, I want you to know, my feelings are very positive. From what you have written to me and to Bryan (he has shared your correspondence) I am thrilled for him that you are welcoming this reunion, and I truly hope it will be positive for both of you. I know you both could benefit greatly from knowing each other, as you are both truly wonderful people. From my end, I am dying to meet you myself. (I have been even searching online airfares in case I get a telephone call that says to come) I have said many times over the years that I would love the opportunity to thank the wonderful lady who gave Dan and I such a precious gift. You shaped the direction our lives took 20+ years ago and for this we will be eternally grateful...

Me August 3, 1999

...The books came yesterday... Reading other women's stories is both painful and comforting to me. I didn't know if I'd ever hear from Bryan but always hoped I would. It is an incredibly intense experience so far and I haven't even met him yet. But it brings up a lot of pain and loss - things I thought were long since gone - but I guess they are just a part of me now and can't really ever leave. The beauty of this reunion is being able to see - and be a part of - the other side of the coin - the happy side. While I was going through the loss - you were going through incredible joy. I am both fascinated and sad when I hear about him - but as I said, I read and reread it - so you can tell me whatever you want. I think that after I meet him that I will have questions for you - right now he is still just a myth to me. I really feel that this is a great and healing thing for me - but it is bitter sweet...

Just another ordinary miracle today

2010-04-01T16:35:00.003-04:00

Thirty one years ago I was a very scared 19 year old in labor.

Today is my child's birthday.

And I am meeting him for lunch.

May the miracles never cease.

Apples and trees

2010-03-31T13:18:00.000-04:00

Here is the Bunny Rabbit in his birthday haul finery...
(that is the Dolly up in the cherry tree looking severely uninterested)

Here is his father Gapetto on Halloween...

Have I made myself clear?

Their miraculous selves

2010-03-29T11:53:00.004-04:00

Years ago when West Wing was in it's hey day [and I - a rabid fan] Bradley Whitford won an Emmy for best supporting actor in a series.
I will never forget what he said about his children in his acceptance speech.

I'd like to thank my children for their miraculous selves and for saving my wife and I from lives of terminal self involvement.

Touché Bradley. Touché.

Happy 8th birthday Bunny and Dolly!

Seriously?

2010-03-04T12:20:00.002-05:00

About last night

2010-02-25T17:16:00.002-05:00

The Bunny Rabbit seems to be going through some boundary stretching exercises.

He gets into his share of trouble because he has an attention span of about a nano second. But he is sweet and loving and really a very good boy at heart.

We have been talking about his moods lately. He seems to think everyone is out to get him. And he is argumentative and questions authority (me) which doesn't sit well with Momma.

Yesterday his teacher took me aside to tell me of his behavior at school.

Same story.

So last night Gapetto and I had a Big Talk with him.

First we assured him that we love him. Then we asked him if anything is bothering him.

Then we asked if he was frustrated. He allowed that he was but was unable to put it into words.

We proceeded with the rest.

Respect. Obedience. Being kind. Doing as you are told. How you might handle things differently.

He began to cry and said everyone was getting him into trouble.

We talked about owning your own actions. About doing the right thing. About thinking independently of your friends.

We hugged and this Mommy was misty eyed.

An hour or so later I saw him alone in the den.

I went in to hug him and I told him I loved him again.

He looked me straight in the eye and asked a little peevishly,

'What were we TALKING ABOUT in there?'

Powerful good

2010-02-24T13:19:00.002-05:00

A taste of Bob and Paul

2010-02-18T13:46:00.005-05:00

A few nights ago at dinner we were all in high spirits.

There was good natured ribbing and story telling and

LONGGGGGG discriptions of movie scenes, questions

about which Harry Potter movie was our favorite, etc.

Suddenly the Dolly announced menacingly:

'Careful, you DON'T want to get a taste of Bob'

[up goes the scrawny right bicep]

'and Paul.'

[up goes the scrawny left bicep]

Never has so much been made of something so little

2010-02-15T18:19:00.006-05:00

Okay so nobody stopped me.

As often happens in renovations and or restorations one thing leads to another. After FINALLY finishing the floor in my hallway I realized that the baseboards (in fact all of the trim), the walls, the doors and the ceiling needed sprucing up.

This is a modest 1925 bungalow with a tiny hallway and the dang thing has seven (as in 7) doorways. That's a lot of trim to repair from all of the twin accoutrements over the years (not to mention the twins themselves).

I have always been a fan of older homes. There is no love lost between me and the new suburban home. However, carrying a child in each arm tends to make a new (and insane) mother wish for wide open spaces. Doorways became my enemy. I had to dip one baby through and then the other. (Prior to that there was the problem of the nine month pregnant with twins body - but that's another story.)

Consequently strollers, cozy coups, baby walkers - all have violated my formerly pristine white trim. There were divots in the paint for goddsakes.

I resigned myself to stripping the baseboards and repairing the rest. Given that there is 85 years worth of paint on that trim one would proceed with caution. I started scraping the baseboards but that decorative baseboard cap was taking a gouging at my hands. So I pulled it all off.

That is some seriously thick paint. It looks like a Krispy Kreme on steroids!

Or maybe a petit four.

I adjusted one corner of the baseboards where the floor dips a good 1-1/2" in a 30" span. I considered having the trim dip stripped - then thought about the toxins - then I thought about stripping myself with chemicals - then thought about the toxins and the lead - then thought about replacing it and then thought about the trees and the trash.

Then I decided to stop thinking - it is too hard for me to figure out and too small of a room to get so het up about.

So the baseboards are painted, the divots are repaired and all of the trim is painted.

What's next? Skim coating the plaster walls that look like H-E-double toothpicks.

Where did I get this chutzpah - this insane drive?

(These kahoonas?)

Why can't it be used for the common good instead of just saving old houses? (My old house, to wit.)

It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it.

This is hilarious!

2010-01-20T14:08:00.006-05:00

Be prepared to laugh out loud and keep the volume down!

For the love of Mrs. Brown

Those crazy Brits

and here's to you, Mr. Robertson...

2010-01-18T14:57:00.004-05:00

My apologies to Simon and Garfunkel.

NPR (love me some NPR) had the following letter on their site - it says it ALL!!!

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

(Submitted by LILY COYLE, MINNEAPOLIS)

Apparently it's contagious

2010-01-10T22:26:00.005-05:00

I am originally from Minnesota and you know what they say

'you can take the girl out of Minnesota but you can't take

the Minnesota out of the girl'

They say that right?

Anyway apparently it is contagious.

Just look at this photo of my husband Gapetto with

The Bunny Rabbit and the Dolly Llama.

If that hat isn't Minnesotan I don't know what is.

It makes me laugh every time it graces his head

Oh JEEZ!

Somebody stop me!

2010-01-06T22:23:00.013-05:00

I cannot believe that this soon after finishing this I decided to

tackle that pesky hallway floor.

Gapetto and I moved into this cute little house almost 12 years ago.

Just prior to moving in I had some ceiling dry walled (over the old

plaster - a move I have come to regret - but that is for another blog)

and the floors refinished. Because I like making things incredibly

complex I had the floor guys leave the hallway floor bare as in no

finish as in buck-nekkid. You see I do custom floor designs,

admittedly pretty much exclusively for me, and I had some amazing

ideas for that floor.

Well weeks turned to months and months turned to years and guess

what?I never did do that effing floor. Thank goodness my mother-out-

law had replaced the thin sheet of plastic with some sensible (ugly)

but durable outdoor carpet of the brown variety to protect all that

nekkidness.

In the meantime Ihad done a pretty funky floor in my kitchen just a

few steps away.

Pretty much negating any of the ideas I'd had for the hall.

So.

My kids did not return to school UNTIL TODAY. Luckily

Grammy and Poppy took them up to the lake for a few

VERY cold days so I decided to finally tackle that dern floor.

I decided on a simple inlaid mahogany look. Done with

stains - not mahogany. (Remember? Champagne taste -

beer budget?) It turned out amazing. In fact The Husband

Understudy stopped by and thought I had laid the whole

floor with a mix of woods! Woot! Woot!

Now I have to strip the dang baseboards sand and paint

and replace the toe mold and then the walls will need

patching and the ceiling should really be painted and

then there's the den wall and the ceiling that has some a water damage

and I wanted to build that window seat with the book shelves all around

it and........................................................................

Christmas Eve and Morning

2009-12-27T20:42:00.003-05:00

My Little Holiday Helpers

2009-12-22T17:36:00.003-05:00

THIS is what my holidays are all about!

Full Moon Fever

2009-12-18T16:50:00.005-05:00

The other night we were all gathered on my bed (Gapetto's too),

the kids were freshly bathed and spirits were running high in

anticipation of One Upcoming December 25th Morning.

The Bunny was bent over reaching for something and we got a

peak of his lily-white rear end. After some good natured teasing

the Bunny-man stood up, facing away from us and acted out

[in LIVING color] the phases of the moon.

Pants pulled down revealing a sliver of rear end:

'Waxing Crescent'

Pants pulled down revealing half of rear end:

'First quarter'

Pants pulled down revealing most of rear end:

'Waxing gibbous'

Pants pulled down revealing ALL of rear end:

'Full Moon'

And the Reverse...

Pants pulled up slightly revealing most of rear end:

"Waning gibbous'

Pants pulled up slightly revealing half of rear end:

"Third quarter'

Pants pulled up slightly revealing sliver of rear end:

"Waning crescent'

Pants pulled up all the way:

"New Moon' he shouted triumphantly!

A star is born.

The Big Reveal

2009-12-08T12:19:00.011-05:00

Because I LOVE beautiful houses and have somewhat limited resources for said houses I have learned to renovate.

Yes, I even painted my dorm room - I was one of those.

I have ripped out kitchens, tiled floors and counters and tub decks, landscaped, finished floors - you name it. This project may have gotten the best of me. It took months and months and it grew and grew.

But here is the finished bathroom - looks just like the day it was finished back in 1925.

And the dining room...

As often happens in renovations one thing led to another and now I find I need to pull all of the painted toe molding and scrape and repaint all of the baseboards and replace the toe moulding with the finished oak variety - it makes my rooms look brand new.

Luckily, like childbirth - the results tend to outweigh and blur the pain.

Oy, my aching back.

A Rose by any other name...

2009-11-30T09:41:00.008-05:00

The Bunny Rabbit came home last week with a very red and

swollen cheek - it looked exactly like he had been slapped - HARD.

I asked him what happened.

'Nothing'.

I felt his cheek. It was hot - feverishly hot.

I felt his forehead.

Cool as a cucumber.

He had been developing a rash on the rest of his yummy body

which did not itch. Now this boy is as white as they come.

A rash on his Irish complexion looks like Scarlet Fever.

Armed with this information I began searching the web.

Lemme see 'rash on face and body'

Nope.

'no itch rash'

um, wait!

'rash like slapped cheek on boy'

Eureka!

The Fifth Disease otherwise known as Slapped-Cheek Disease.

Are you kidding me?

These doctors/scientists are (hopefully) some of our most brilliant minds.

They pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for their education.

We entrust our very lives with them and, most importantly, our children's lives.

And all they can effing come up with is Fifth Disease?

Slapped Cheek Disease?

What is up with that?

Once upon a time I was in Savannah GA for a wedding and was eating some animal Crackers from the gift basket in my room. My very sore tooth simply crumbled apart.

I was waiting for the white hot lightning strike to my nerve and lo and behold my tooth felt better. Which was a relief as I had a wedding to attend in a city that was not my own on a Saturday. Unless there was a dentist in attendance I would have been S. O. L.

When I returned home I went in to see my dentist and was told I had Cracked Tooth Syndrome.

That's right.

Cracked Tooth Syndrome.

Oh. Come. On. People!

Does years of schooling just kill the creative side of the brain?

Are their jobs so demanding that they don't have any imagination left?

Can they even make up a bedtime story for their little munchins?

Or lie about why all of the cookies are gone?

Now I know that I am a designer so I may have set my expectations a little high but just check out how the other half lives. [The other half being all of the Right Brain people such as myself.]

We may not be able to make a diagnosis but we can come up with some fairly spectacular names if given half a chance [and perhaps several margaritas].

Let us consider paint color names - the pinnacle of creativity in naming [and perhaps alcoholism].

Let's see there is:

Not Enough Chocolate Syrup Mom - who doesn't know exactly what that is? And yet it is totally creative.

Atomic Vomit Green - a Nickelodeon inspired green - who doesn't want to tell the neighbors THAT name?

Then there is Ralph Lauren's Brazilian Ruby which apparently is referring to a certain sensitive skin area color after a certain procedure is performed.

So I wonder... Ralph - are you running hardwoods?

My very favorites are the totally ambiguous ones that could be any freaking color:

Grandma's Refrigerator - guess that would depend on your or her age, or if they are talking about the insides or the outsides. This happens to be yellow.

Inheritance - which is NOT the color of money.

Japanese Maze, Fragrant Cloud [I imagine some foul green colored cartoon cloud coming right out of someone's arse], Precocious, Forever Young, Simply Irresistible, Urban Legend, Leap of Faith [who would use this color?], Temptation, Marry Me, and Beautiful In My Eyes [clearly hideous in anyone elses].

Kind of tells a life story doesn't it?

There is even a paint game test because, really, I ask you - who knows what color the Martian Sky is unless you've been there?

Or your margarita pitcher is empty.

But is it really nifty?

2009-11-02T15:28:00.003-05:00

Okay, so here it is.

The last day of my forties.

Whodda thunk?

Certainly not me.

Tuesday is the big

5-0-!

And I am thinking they should bring back powdered wigs...

Perhaps we can leave the beheadings to times past

but I was kind of grooving on wearing this wig.

What do you think?

The Wild Rumpus was

2009-10-26T20:58:00.005-04:00

SAD!

The Bunny got restless and didn't make it through the whole movie.

He said it was boring.

The Dolly snuggled up under my arm and held my hand.

She said it was violent.

And me?

I cried...

Fantasy for five, please

2009-10-22T10:14:00.005-04:00

The Bunny Rabbit and the Dolly Llama have discovered the pleasures of the local library.You can go in there and get books for free! They had never seen such a wondrous thing.

Several days ago I took the Bunny alone because Dolly had a previous engagement (oh, the social life of a seven year old). He was looking for a book about Alien Invasions. Not nearly the expert he had hoped for I enlisted the help of one of the librarians. She took us over to a section where we saws books about planets and solar systems and universes.

The Bunny was unmoved.

She took us to another section that had child friendly fiction about E.T.-esque books.

Again.

Then Bunny was less than impressed.

Eventually I sent the librarian away thanking her for her time.

Finally I got to the bottom of all this...

'Mom, I want a book about REAL Alien Invasions with photos.'

Letter in Mothers Day Card - May '02

2009-10-09T21:02:00.007-04:00

Dear Merrily,

Looking through Mother's Day cards, I didn't find many

that applied to us. There were a lot of joke cards and

a lot of cards that thanked moms for cleaning dirty socks

or making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches just right,

but none that said what I wanted to say to you, except

for this card.

"Mother's love is the first gift we know -- and we never

outgrow." My whole life I've been told that somebody

loved me enough to give me away and somebody loved

me enough to take me. I feel like my whole life has been

an extension out of the first love given me - yours.

So even though I've thanked you for this before, I am

thanking you again. Thank you Merrily for my love filled life.

I have to admit that with all the love and gratitude

I feel for you, while writing this, I'm feeling a little sad.

I'm feeling sad because it seems like we're both so busy

and we never have time to talk, let alone see each other.

I miss you, that's why I'm feeling a little sad. So I'm going

to talk to you more and plan a trip out to Atlanta when

it's good for both of us. I still have to meet Bunny and Dolly!

And I'd like to spend some semi-alone time with you

(I know you've got your hands full :).

Congratulations, again, for having the kids.

I know you'll be a wonderful mom to them.

And thank you for everything.

Talk to you soon!

Love,

Bryan

blink, blink, blink

Yes, I embarrass them

2009-09-16T21:28:00.007-04:00

Don't you with yours?

The Pack

2009-08-16T21:34:00.008-04:00

They are out there again.

Their howls were faint at first but every few days that familiar

eerie chorus seems a little closer as they circle.

Watching.

Waiting.

Sometimes they are silent. Sometimes they retreat a bit.

They are tentative. Not sure the time is right. Not quite sure

if they have been summoned.

I know this pack. They made their first appearance when

I was thirteen.They came very quickly and stayed for nearly

a year.

My mother and her friend Betty talked several times.

'I thought it would be okay - they are both so young.'

'It was so innocent - the most they did was hold hands.'

And yet I felt broken.

They came again when I became pregnant at eighteen.

Then I gave him up for adoption.

Their ranks grew. They must have called for reinforcements.

The rank and file was tired. This turned out to be a very along stay.

A very long stay indeed.

They have come for shorter visits. When they leave and the hazy veil

of despair is lifted I hope it is the last I will see of them.

But their path is well traveled. They know the way in their bones.

They have been visiting my ancestors for centuries.

I was not to be spared.

The very darkest, most debilitating visit occurred when my beautiful

twins arrived. I could not sleep for the incessant howling of the

pack. The noise was deafening when I nursed my babies.

I was a prisoner, a slave to them again. They fed on my panic,

on my feelings of being trapped - a prisoner in my own home.

They finally left after six months. Now and again I would find the

tufts of their undercoats under a high chair, behind a crib.

Little testaments to their visit.

They call to me every few years or so.

This time I heard them early - I went for help sooner.

And I am taking care of myself better.

And yet they wait.

I visualize running them off. A screaming banshee with a big stick.

I visualize them losing interest and wandering off.

I visualize a peace of mind descending and a serenity that stays.

And the seeds of hope fall out of my clenched fists as they

slowly relax and open.

And I pray for rain.

Mommy and Daddy were just exercising

2009-08-09T15:44:00.002-04:00

We just returned from our annual pilgrimage to Minnesota

for the clan family reunion.

The weather was not what a Minnesotan might call ideal lake

weather but for this southern crew it was pure bliss.

Nights were down in the 50's and days varied by the hour but I

don't think ever tipped in to the 80's.

Oh, to sleep with windows open and hear the loons. Heaven.

Due to the weather there was some TV watching going on.

One late afternoon The Bunny and some of his male cousins

were watching and a public service commercial came on that

mentioned the word sex several times. There was a lot of

snickering going on in that room every time the word was

uttered.

Finally the Bunny piped up,

'Why do they keep saying sex so much?

Why don't they ever just call it fitness?!?'

Omigosh July is gone

2009-07-29T14:22:00.008-04:00

and I haven't blogged much at all.

If you're wondering what I've been doing - I have been nesting.

It's not what you think - those days are long gone - I just get a

hankering to nest every now and again and apparently July

was the month to begin.

I have been on a refreshing/repairing/repainting initiative

around the house. What a mess 11 years of double strollers,

double bikes, double trouble can do to a home.

So, first the 1925 guest bathroom - all of the fixtures are

original and very odd sizes - basically this room is about

2 feet too narrow. What's a gal to do?

Resurface! I had the tub and cool old sink resurfaced

(it is not in place yet in this photo). I spent DAYS patching,

sanding, patching, sanding, patching, sanding the old plaster

walls to get them flat. And then papered them with some cool

reproduction William Morris-esque wallpaper I found on eBay.

Dang if that room doesn't look like the day after the room

was finished in 1925 - I LOVE it! We built a frame around the

inset mirror and I painted the ceiling I had previously papered

a lovely plum color. New light and Bam! Bob's your uncle!

(or at least my bathroom looks pretty cool...)

Now I am on a roll (wallpaper that is) I loved the results

sooo much I decided to do the same to the dining room.

When we first attacked that dining room 10 years ago I

was so sick of the project when we finished I didn't think

I could eat in there much less work on it again. We put

up all that wood work. Yup - all of it. I went around that

room so many times I was dizzy!

Again with the patching, sanding, patching, sanding, patching,

sanding the old plaster walls to get them flat.

'Honey, eventually you just have to stop.'

That Gapetto - sometimes he is a veritable sage.

It is not finished yet but I put the paper up and it looks divine!

It is the same pattern as the bathroom but different palette.

I let you know if I ever finish.

In the meantime, the cleaning lady is on hold and the house is

in an insane state of disarray.

Sounds like life to me!

Julia I ain't

2009-07-08T14:22:00.006-04:00

My cooking mojo appears to have left me forever once

those twins came back from the hospital with me.

Last night as I wandered the kitchen aimlessly I casually

mentioned to the Bunny,

'you kids are going to have to start cooking for yourselves'

'seriously?'

'yep! I'm done - all out of ideas'

'I got two words for you Mommy. Cereal and milk!'