In Between

I am feeling In Between.


I am fifty - which gobsmacked me, frankly. 


As expected fifty is a time of taking stock, of reevaluation, of deciding what really matters and what needs to go, about the road ahead. It is a time of realization - I am in the middle of my life.


Where I have been is done, where I am going is undetermined. I am stuck in between. And it is an uncomfortable place for me.


I am reading Aloft by Chang Rae Lee and I came across this:


'... But that's the case with almost everyone in the broadening swath of middle age, isn't it, that we're all fatiguing in some critical way (sex, job, family), some prior area of happy vitality and self-definition is now instead a source of anxiety and dread.'


and it struck a chord


it struck the career/job chord


it may have even broken the strings


I know that I have an awful lot to be grateful for and I am, truly.


But where the heck am I going from here?




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My sister T. is recovering at an amazing rate. The first 24 hours were very scary but from then on she has soared.