Monday, May 31, 2010

In Between

I am feeling In Between.

I am fifty - which gobsmacked me, frankly. 

As expected fifty is a time of taking stock, of reevaluation, of deciding what really matters and what needs to go, about the road ahead. It is a time of realization - I am in the middle of my life.

Where I have been is done, where I am going is undetermined. I am stuck in between. And it is an uncomfortable place for me.

I am reading Aloft by Chang Rae Lee and I came across this:

'... But that's the case with almost everyone in the broadening swath of middle age, isn't it, that we're all fatiguing in some critical way (sex, job, family), some prior area of happy vitality and self-definition is now instead a source of anxiety and dread.'

and it struck a chord

it struck the career/job chord

it may have even broken the strings

I know that I have an awful lot to be grateful for and I am, truly.

But where the heck am I going from here?

                                               *   *   *   *   *

My sister T. is recovering at an amazing rate. The first 24 hours were very scary but from then on she has soared.

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At June 1, 2010 at 6:59 AM , Blogger Vodka Mom said...

That is ME!!!!!!!! Smack in the middle of confusion.

Let's start a support group.

At June 1, 2010 at 8:59 PM , Blogger undercover caterer said...

me too.

At June 5, 2010 at 1:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

the food is delicious!............................................................

At June 6, 2010 at 4:39 PM , Blogger Cheryl said...

Hi found you via "She Writes" and am amazed at how small the world can be. I turned 50 2 years ago and went on a 784.5km bicycle ride (yes the 0.5 counts) to prove I wasn't aging and my partner had open heart surgery 12 months ago this saturday. Our best to both you and your sister!

At June 6, 2010 at 9:20 PM , Blogger She Writes said...

Nobody knows the answer to where they are really going, anyhow :).

At August 19, 2010 at 12:10 PM , Blogger alice, uptown said...

Welcome to limbo...are we seguing into a second adolescence? or are we clueless about where do we go from here? I'm with you, coming up on the big day in October, after a year already too eventful to digest.

That career/job chord? My song must be que sera sera.... which scares me half to death.

Chang Rae Lee sums us up perfectly.


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