In Between

I am feeling In Between.


I am fifty - which gobsmacked me, frankly. 


As expected fifty is a time of taking stock, of reevaluation, of deciding what really matters and what needs to go, about the road ahead. It is a time of realization - I am in the middle of my life.


Where I have been is done, where I am going is undetermined. I am stuck in between. And it is an uncomfortable place for me.


I am reading Aloft by Chang Rae Lee and I came across this:


'... But that's the case with almost everyone in the broadening swath of middle age, isn't it, that we're all fatiguing in some critical way (sex, job, family), some prior area of happy vitality and self-definition is now instead a source of anxiety and dread.'


and it struck a chord


it struck the career/job chord


it may have even broken the strings


I know that I have an awful lot to be grateful for and I am, truly.


But where the heck am I going from here?




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My sister T. is recovering at an amazing rate. The first 24 hours were very scary but from then on she has soared.

A taste of Bob and Paul

A few nights ago at dinner we were all in high spirits.

There was good natured ribbing and story telling and

LONGGGGGG discriptions of movie scenes, questions

about which Harry Potter movie was our favorite, etc.

Suddenly the Dolly announced menacingly:

'Careful, you DON'T want to get a taste of Bob'

[up goes the scrawny right bicep]

'and Paul.'

[up goes the scrawny left bicep]

Full Moon Fever

The other night we were all gathered on my bed (Gapetto's too),

the kids were freshly bathed and spirits were running high in

anticipation of One Upcoming December 25th Morning.

The Bunny was bent over reaching for something and we got a

peak of his lily-white rear end. After some good natured teasing

the Bunny-man stood up, facing away from us and acted out

[in LIVING color] the phases of the moon.

Pants pulled down revealing a sliver of rear end:

'Waxing Crescent'

Pants pulled down revealing half of rear end:

'First quarter'

Pants pulled down revealing most of rear end:

'Waxing gibbous'

Pants pulled down revealing ALL of rear end:

'Full Moon'

And the Reverse...

Pants pulled up slightly revealing most of rear end:

"Waning gibbous'

Pants pulled up slightly revealing half of rear end:

"Third quarter'

Pants pulled up slightly revealing sliver of rear end:

"Waning crescent'

Pants pulled up all the way:

"New Moon' he shouted triumphantly!

A star is born.

The Wild Rumpus was

SAD!

The Bunny got restless and didn't make it through the whole movie.

He said it was boring.

The Dolly snuggled up under my arm and held my hand.

She said it was violent.

And me?

I cried...

Fantasy for five, please

The Bunny Rabbit and the Dolly Llama have discovered the pleasures of the local library.You can go in there and get books for free! They had never seen such a wondrous thing.

Several days ago I took the Bunny alone because Dolly had a previous engagement (oh, the social life of a seven year old). He was looking for a book about Alien Invasions. Not nearly the expert he had hoped for I enlisted the help of one of the librarians. She took us over to a section where we saws books about planets and solar systems and universes.

The Bunny was unmoved.

She took us to another section that had child friendly fiction about E.T.-esque books.

Again.

Then Bunny was less than impressed.

Eventually I sent the librarian away thanking her for her time.

Finally I got to the bottom of all this...

'Mom, I want a book about REAL Alien Invasions with photos.'

My little girl

She sat in the armchair by the sliding glass doors 

watching and waiting. A look of concern darkening 

her usually happy face.

Bryan and his girlfriend had arrived that evening 

and Alexis had received a phone call about her 

grandfather - he was likely to die at any time. 

Alexis' eyes had teared up and she left out the sliding 

glass door no doubt for some alone time to collect 

herself and have a smoke away where the children 

wouldn't see her.

Dolly waited.

When she came back Dolly gave her one of her 

signature tree frog hugs - legs wrapped around her 

waist and arms thrown tightly around her neck.

Saturday Bryan and Alexis stayed behind while we 

shopped in downtown Disney. The Twinkies free 

birthday passes also came with $63 Disney Dollars 

a piece. Gapetto and the Bunny went one direction 

and the Dolly and I headed off for jewelry.

We looked and looked and added up different things, 

then we looked some more. I thought perhaps she 

just couldn't get over the hump of actually spending 

any of it so I was talking to her about how much 

I knew she REALLY wanted the charm bracelet. 

She quietly led me off in another direction.

Finally we added up her things: one charm bracelet 

and four additional charms, one pink Disney watch 

and a light green necklace with a big 'crystal' jem 

on it - exactly $63. [I threw in the tax money.]

I put the charms on her bracelet and hooked it on 

her wrist, I pulled out the watch and did the same. 

She began to close up the box and put it away.

'Dolly don't you want to wear your pretty necklace?'

She shook her head no.

'It's for Alexis.'

How I love that little girl.

The secret...

Pssst - we are leaving for Disney on Sunday. 

The Bunny and the Dolly have no idea - 

a 7 year old birthday surprise of the highest order!

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This is our Cherry tree today - first day of spring!