Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Leaving a trail (1990)

Mr. and Mrs. Parents of My Birth Son,

You don't know me but you know of me..
My name is Merrily Down the Stream and I am the birth mother
of your son. I certainly don't want to frighten you - it has taken
me a long time to get up the nerve to even attempt to write
this letter. I hope I can do an adequate job of explaining
things so you won't be worried.

I would like you to know that I have never regretted what I
did when I was nineteen and I am grateful to you for taking
him and loving him and making him your own.

I just turned 31 in November and I find myself thinking
about him and wondering - is he OK? Does he look like me?
Are his eyes blue like mine? Is he creative? I don't even
know if he is alive or what his name is. I don't want to enter
into his life - if that is something that ever happens that
will be because he chooses it. I would just like to know for
my own peace of mind. Until very recently I always thought
of him as a baby - it's hard to imagine that there's an
11 year old boy walking around somewhere that I gave
birth to - a person!

I've been married for four and a half years and am getting
around to thinking about having children of my own. Maybe
that's why I am finally writing you. I will never try to contact
him. If he ever asks about me I hope you'll tell him that I
loved him with all my might when I carried him and when
I saw him in the nursery he was absolutely perfect and
beautiful and I knew I couldn't give him what I felt he needed.

I would love it and be so grateful if you would let me know
about him - a picture would be fantastic to have and anything
you would like to tell me about him would be greatly appreciated.

I thought maybe you would like to know something about me.
I've lived in Atlanta for 10 years now but am originally from
Minnesota, where I grew up in a big Irish-Catholic family of
7 kids - 3 boys and 4 girls! I am a graphic designer (I enclosed
a press release with my picture - its 2 years old) and am
planning to go out on my own as a freelance designer probably
in April - eventually I hope to have a design studio with real
live employees! I married a wonderful man named Mr. In-The-
Wrong-Place-At-The-Wrong-Time when I was 26 - he is a
designer too - and we have 2 great kitties.

I hope that I have not frightened you - I wish your family
all the best and send much love to you all. Please give your son
a kiss for me and have a wonderful Christmas season.

My address is:
Merrily Down the Stream
Fabulous Deal of a duplex
Atlanta

Merrily

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12 Comments:

At November 11, 2008 at 9:50 AM , Blogger ewe are here said...

I sincerely hope they welcome your letter and feel secure enough to share some news and pictures with you.

It's a lovely letter.

 
At November 11, 2008 at 10:54 AM , Blogger Debbie said...

I have chills right now. What a beautiful letter and what a miraculous gift you gave that boy and his adoptive parents. You are a wonderful woman.

 
At November 11, 2008 at 12:07 PM , Blogger Karen said...

I also gave birth to a son when I was 17, in Atlanta. He would be 37 now, almost 38, years old. I have searched for him off and on over the years, but mostly off, because I really want him to be the one to come to me, so that it will be what he really wants.

I hope he has had a good life, that he is happy, that his adoptive parents loved and cherished him and gave everything he needed that I was not able to do.

I want him to know how much I loved him, that I cried every day while I was pregnant with him because I knew I would have to give him up, for his own good. And how I cried in mourning of the loss of him every day for more than five years after he was born.

I hope he has a good life, and that if we ever do meet, that he finds me worthy of knowing.

 
At November 11, 2008 at 12:28 PM , Blogger MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

This? Delicious.

So delicious I read it twice. You are a wonderful person and I hope you know that.

 
At November 11, 2008 at 12:52 PM , Blogger the mommie of mommie blogs said...

as tears fill my eyes, I pray that you find the answers you are looking for... what a wonderfully written letter.

 
At November 11, 2008 at 6:44 PM , Blogger Quirky said...

Beautiful, Merrily.

 
At November 11, 2008 at 7:40 PM , Blogger (In)Sanity Gal said...

Woops - that last comment was from me, but on a different account.

 
At November 11, 2008 at 10:28 PM , Blogger cassieb said...

I just got linked to your blog. This is a very beautiful letter. I am new to the blogging world. check me out if you would like :)

 
At November 12, 2008 at 10:42 AM , Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

Wow! How did they respond?

 
At November 12, 2008 at 12:41 PM , Blogger SJ said...

That was so wonderful!

 
At November 13, 2008 at 10:25 AM , Blogger Reluctant Housewife said...

Did you hear back from them? I hope so. A lovely letter.

 
At November 14, 2008 at 9:15 AM , Blogger Braja said...

that is remarkable candour; you poor thing. you may not feel "poor," but it must have been, and must still be, terribly painful....

 

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