Pieces of letters August 1-3 1999

These are pieces of some of the flurry of emails that were exchanged between MOB and I after the initial letter and up to Bryan's arrival here for the first time.


MOB August 1, 1999


...I would love to know the titles of the books you ordered. During the 'late 1970's' I think I read almost every book in print about adoption. I was bound and determined to do things right (I just had to find out what that was). Dan and I decided early on that we agreed with the philosophy that Bryan should know from day one that he was adopted. We would use the word adopted frequently enough during his early years, that it would be a 'comfortable' word, not a 'strange' word. We explained there was more than one way to start a family.


You are right. I do have conflicting emotions, however, I want you to know, my feelings are very positive. From what you have written to me and to Bryan (he has shared your correspondence) I am thrilled for him that you are welcoming this reunion, and I truly hope it will be positive for both of you. I know you both could benefit greatly from knowing each other, as you are both truly wonderful people. From my end, I am dying to meet you myself. (I have been even searching online airfares in case I get a telephone call that says to come) I have said many times over the years that I would love the opportunity to thank the wonderful lady who gave Dan and I such a precious gift. You shaped the direction our lives took 20+ years ago and for this we will be eternally grateful...


Me August 3, 1999


...The books came yesterday... Reading other women's stories is both painful and comforting to me. I didn't know if I'd ever hear from Bryan but always hoped I would. It is an incredibly intense experience so far and I haven't even met him yet. But it brings up a lot of pain and loss - things I thought were long since gone - but I guess they are just a part of me now and can't really ever leave. The beauty of this reunion is being able to see - and be a part of - the other side of the coin - the happy side. While I was going through the loss - you were going through incredible joy. I am both fascinated and sad when I hear about him - but as I said, I read and reread it - so you can tell me whatever you want. I think that after I meet him that I will have questions for you - right now he is still just a myth to me. I really feel that this is a great and healing thing for me - but it is bitter sweet...

Just another ordinary miracle today

Thirty one years ago I was a very scared 19 year old in labor. 

Today is my child's birthday. 

And I am meeting him for lunch.

May the miracles never cease.

Letter in Mothers Day Card - May '02

Dear Merrily,

Looking through Mother's Day cards, I didn't find many

that applied to us. There were a lot of joke cards and

a lot of cards that thanked moms for cleaning dirty socks

or making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches just right,

but none that said what I wanted to say to you, except

for this card.

"Mother's love is the first gift we know -- and we never

outgrow." My whole life I've been told that somebody

loved me enough to give me away and somebody loved

me enough to take me. I feel like my whole life has been

an extension out of the first love given me - yours.

So even though I've thanked you for this before, I am

thanking you again. Thank you Merrily for my love filled life.

I have to admit that with all the love and gratitude

I feel for you, while writing this, I'm feeling a little sad.

I'm feeling sad because it seems like we're both so busy

and we never have time to talk, let alone see each other.

I miss you, that's why I'm feeling a little sad. So I'm going

to talk to you more and plan a trip out to Atlanta when

it's good for both of us. I still have to meet Bunny and Dolly!

And I'd like to spend some semi-alone time with you

(I know you've got your hands full :).

Congratulations, again, for having the kids.

I know you'll be a wonderful mom to them.

And thank you for everything.

Talk to you soon!

Love,

Bryan

blink, blink, blink

Letters dated July 30, 1999

Hope you are well...

Dear Merrily,

Please let us know that you were not near the tragedy.

I guess no city is immune these days.

Bryan and Melanie are off on their wonderful trip.

I heard from them on Wednesday from Seattle.

I will write this weekend, as I am dashing out the door to work.

Love,

MOB

PS Do you have email at home? or just at work? is it okay to use?

Re: Hope you are well...

Dear MOB,

Gapetto and I are both safe, the shootings took place in Buckhead

which is about 4 miles from where we both work in midtown.

These kinds of horrible things seem to be happening all too

frequently these days.

I'm glad to hear Bryan and Melanie are enjoying themselves. I didn't

hear back from him about his allergies. I could easily make this a

cat-free environment while they are here - and is he allergic to

dogs? Any tips on how to stock the fridge?

Life sure has a way of working things out. Russ and I are trying to

get pregnant - it is the first time in my life I felt that I was ready

to and now I have a partner who is equally excited about it. I had

so many issues to resolve about being pregnant and about feeling

that I was ready to be a good parent. I have never been happier in

my life than I am right now and that's when I heard from you and

Bryan. It seems so much more than circumstantial. I am excited,

nervous, anxious, apprehensive, happy - all kinds of emotions are

surfacing in light of this meeting. I imagine that you have some

conflicting emotions too. You seem so wonderful with Bryan.

Checking to make sure that it will go okay but then stepping back

and giving him room to fly. You seem like a very good mother and

I really feel blessed by that. I always loved Dr. O.B. and it seems

he was very intuitive in picking you.

I am expecting a couple books from amazon.com in the mail

today on this kind of reunion. The ones I chose deal with all sides'

emotions - the birth mother, the adoptive mother and the child's.

This is such a unique kind of thing I don't know anyone who has been

through it. I have a friend who found his birth mother and she doesn't

want to have any sort of relationship with him and I know that hurts

him. If the books are good I will pass them on to you.

In the meantime, we wait for their arrival...

Hope to hear from you soon

Love,

Merrily

PS I can access my email from home and work. I have my own

graphic design studio now so it's just me and the occasional freelances

who don't use my internet.

Letters dated July 22 and 23, 1999

Hi Merrily,

I was so excited to hear back from you. Well, the tentative date of our arrival in Atlanta on Sunday August 15th. We PLAN to get there in the afternoon, around 4:00. Would it be alright if we came straight to our house? We PLAN to leave Atlanta Saturday August 21st. Of course everything is flexible.

Melanie and I would love to stay at your big old house. I don't mean

to impose the whole week on you. We can easily make other arrangements. My mom insists that I warn you about my eating habits. I'm a strict vegetarian (vegan), I don't eat any meat of any kind (beef, chicken, fish) or dairy or butter or any product or ingredient that is animal derived. I'll be happy to shop for myself while I'm there.

Could you email me back with directions to our home as well as your phone number (in case we are late or get lost)? I wish I had more time to write you but I type with one finger and I have a seven and a nine year old boy waiting for me downstairs. (I'm babysitting.)

Hope to hear from you soon.

Bryan

* * * * * * *

Dear Bryan,

Thanks for the warning - that will help determine my menu plans. Gapetto and I are both so excited that you are coming. Be forewarned it is HUMID here and usually in the low 90's. You'll do some sweating!

Directions to our house:

[deleted]

[phone numbers

I hope you and Melanie have a safe and wonderful trip. Call if you need us or to let us know that you are close. I imagine there might be some awkwardness in some of this but we can work through it together. There is an awful lot of catching up to do and I am really looking forward to it.

If your allergies will bother you let me know, it's not a problem to make this a cat-free house while you're here. Are you allergic to dogs too? We could make arrangements there too if need be.

See you soon!

Love

Merrily

Letter to Bryan 7/20/99

Dear Bryan,

I received your beautiful letter yesterday and I think you

did get it just right. And I think you are a handsome devil

even if you do look like me! I would love to see you when

you are in Metropolis of the Deep South and would like to

invite you to stay with us. From what I have read you have

turned out to be a remarkable young man and this is a very

happy and joyous occasion.

I too have thought often about you over the years - certainly

every April 1st and many times in between. It is just incredible

to hear from you and I so look forward to getting to know you.

I wonder who will have more questions? Or if either one of us

will be able to get a word in edgewise. There is so much to

share I think I will just leave it for when you come.

I do want to update you on a few things. I am no longer

married to Mr. In-the-Wrong-Place-at-the-Wrong-Time -

it didn't work out but we parted on pretty good terms.

(he has one of the cats) But I am very happily married to

my soulmate Gapetto and we are hoping to start a family

of our own. I don't have an other children (yet). I do have

a chocolate lab who may as well be my child - that's a

picture of her that I have attached. I'd send you one of

me but don't have one at work.

You and Melanie are both very welcome in our

home and Gapetto and I would love to have you

stay with us if you feel comfortable with that.

We have a big old house in Mayberry which is about

6 miles from downtown Metropolis of the Deep South

and is a great little town. We are busily renovating

it and would like to show it off to you. You'll be the

first people to see our new kitchen

Bryan, you have given me a great gift along with your

parents. Contacting me and meeting feels so good

to me - it completes something started so long ago

and it starts something wonderful and new. In my

wildest dreams I didn't dare hope for such a wonderful

opportunity. I look forward to hearing from you and

seeing you. Please let me know your travel plans and

dates you might arrive if you can.

Love,

Merrily

[Wasn't it Lawrence Welk who always said wonderful, wonderful?]

Letter Dated July 15, 1999

Dear Merrily,

We were all thankful and delighted that my note reached you.

Thank you for responding so promptly. It took Bryan a couple

of days, trying to make his letter 'perfect', but he decided to

mail it today (anyway). I think it's a perfect letter, and I hope

you will too. I have a million questions, and suppose you do

too, but I will take a back seat for awhile, and let you and

Bryan begin this. If you do want or need something from me,

do not hesitate, because I am here.

I would like to tell you that you have been in our hearts and

prayers all these years, with special thoughts of love and thanks

from me to you each April 1st. This does not mean that Mr. D

[Bryan's A-dad] has not felt the same, but I will let him speak

for himself when the time is right.

Love,

Mom-of-Bryan

To view letter Bryan sent and his picture click here.

Reply to the Scouting Letter

The words I hadn't dared hope I might hear [or read]

someday.

I called my sister K, trying to choke out the words...

'He wants to contact me.'

Surely there must be miracles because this is what one

must feel like.

July 15, 1999

[I responded by snail mail AND email to be double sure]

Dear Mom-of-Bryan,

A friend of mine lives in my old duplex and phoned me

yesterday to say that I had received a letter from you.

At first I was frightened that it may be bad news but it

was the most amazing news of all. I would be very

honored to hear from Bryan - it is something I have only

allowed myself to half hope for.

Your note was very sweet and I feel so incredibly grateful

to you for taking him and giving him all the things every

child deserves. I would love to communicate with you as

well. My new address is:

Merrily Down the Stream

Cute-1925-House-Under-Constant-Renovation

Deep South

I look forward to hearing from both of you and I am so

happy you are all well.

Sincerely,

Merrily

and now I wait...

6/27/99 - The Scouting Letter

Dear Merrily,

This is a 'scouting' note to see if this reaches you. I'm afraid

too many years may have passed since our last communication.

Bryan would like to contact you, if you are still willing. We

have shared your letters with him, and he has written you one.

Now that he has grown into a wonderful young man, I, too,

would love to communicate with the woman who has been

an angel in my life since April 1, 1979.

I hope this note not only finds you, but finds you well.

Fondly,

Mom-of-Bryan

123 Nice Street

Somewhere CA 90000

Mom-of-Bryan@home.com

blink, blink, blink

My Response to the Parents Response

The picture threw me for a major loop.

I had started seeing a counselor (a first) when

I realized that every relationship I had failed.

The time had come when I knew it had to

be me. My marriage was in shambles and I

was all mixed up. Would I ever marry

again? Would I ever have children? Did I want

children? Had Bryan been my only chance?

Was every moment of grief I ever suffered

going to bring up all of the pain of losing him?

When I wrote the initial letter I read it to my

counselor - she suggested I mail it. As it turned

out she had given up a baby for adoption too.

We went over all of the possible outcomes.

Hearing back from them was at the end of the

list, as I recall it fell somewhere after

Restraining Order.

For several days the photo made me weep.

I would stare at it so hard trying to know him

from looking in his eyes. Trying to recognize him.

Trying to feel him. Trying to feel better about

giving him away...

I wrote feverishly about all that I was

experiencing - sounding, I am certain, like a

mad woman.

And then I felt a little better after about the 5th

or 6th day. I carried the photo with me wherever

I went. And then I wrote the response that I

would send.

Dear Mr. Lawyer for Parents of my Birth Son,

Thank you so much for the letter and please

tell Bryan's parents how grateful I am. If you

don't mind, I am going to write the rest of

the letter directly to them - it is just easier.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parents of my Birth Son,

I can't thank you enough for what you have

given me. It's an odd thing to give a child

away and hope for the best. If a picture is

worth a thousand words, this one is worth

a thousand times that. Bryan looks sweet

and healthy and happy and very well loved.

It's all I ever wanted for him.

I have enclosed the medical records release

form Mr. Attorney sent me. I'd be happy to

answer any other questions you have.

My husband Mr. In-The-Wrong-Place-At-

The-Wrong-Time knows all about Bryan.

He has been very supportive of this. He

sends his best too.

As for further communication - I'd be

delighted. I will follow your lead, however.

Please rest assured that I understand the

delicacy of this situation - I only want what

is best for Bryan - as I always have.

My best to you all,

Love,

Merrily

And then there was silence...

The Parents Response (1991)

[enclosed photograph]

Lawyer for Parents of my Birth Son

Attorney at Law

January 30, 1991

Dear Ms. Merrily:

The parents of the child you gave birth to eleven years ago have asked me to make their initial response to your letter of December 1990. I know that you understand the emotional impact that it has had on them: you anticipated it in your letter. They would like for you to know, however, that they appreciate your feelings. They have been continuously grateful for the gift you gave them.

Their son is healthy, strong, creative, and exceptionally bright. He is as perfect and as beautiful now as when last you saw him. Does he look like you? Yes, the resemblance is remarkable.

In return for the information they are giving you, Bryan's parents would like to know more about you. What is your Social Security number? Does Mr. In-The-Wrong-Place-at-the-Wrong-Time know about their son? May they continue to communicate with you? Would you be willing to authorize their access to your medical records at Birth Hospital?

Anticipating your response, I have enclosed a medical information release form which I would like for you to sign and return to me in the enclosed envelope. Please let me know how you feel about this letter; bridges must be carefully built to avoid harm to those that use them.

Yours truly,

Mr. Lawyer for Parents of my Birth Son