A Rose by any other name...

The Bunny Rabbit came home last week with a very red and

swollen cheek - it looked exactly like he had been slapped - HARD.

I asked him what happened.

'Nothing'.

I felt his cheek. It was hot - feverishly hot.

I felt his forehead.

Cool as a cucumber.

He had been developing a rash on the rest of his yummy body

which did not itch. Now this boy is as white as they come.

A rash on his Irish complexion looks like Scarlet Fever.

Armed with this information I began searching the web.

Lemme see 'rash on face and body'

Nope.

'no itch rash'

um, wait!

'rash like slapped cheek on boy'

Eureka!

The Fifth Disease otherwise known as Slapped-Cheek Disease.

Are you kidding me?

These doctors/scientists are (hopefully) some of our most brilliant minds.

They pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for their education.

We entrust our very lives with them and, most importantly, our children's lives.

And all they can effing come up with is Fifth Disease?

or

Slapped Cheek Disease?

What is up with that?

Once upon a time I was in Savannah GA for a wedding and was eating some animal Crackers from the gift basket in my room. My very sore tooth simply crumbled apart.

I was waiting for the white hot lightning strike to my nerve and lo and behold my tooth felt better. Which was a relief as I had a wedding to attend in a city that was not my own on a Saturday. Unless there was a dentist in attendance I would have been S. O. L.

When I returned home I went in to see my dentist and was told I had Cracked Tooth Syndrome.

That's right.

Cracked Tooth Syndrome.

Oh. Come. On. People!

Does years of schooling just kill the creative side of the brain?

Are their jobs so demanding that they don't have any imagination left?

Can they even make up a bedtime story for their little munchins?

Or lie about why all of the cookies are gone?

Now I know that I am a designer so I may have set my expectations a little high but just check out how the other half lives. [The other half being all of the Right Brain people such as myself.]

We may not be able to make a diagnosis but we can come up with some fairly spectacular names if given half a chance [and perhaps several margaritas].

Let us consider paint color names - the pinnacle of creativity in naming [and perhaps alcoholism].

Let's see there is:

Not Enough Chocolate Syrup Mom - who doesn't know exactly what that is? And yet it is totally creative.

Atomic Vomit Green - a Nickelodeon inspired green - who doesn't want to tell the neighbors THAT name?

Then there is Ralph Lauren's Brazilian Ruby which apparently is referring to a certain sensitive skin area color after a certain procedure is performed.

So I wonder... Ralph - are you running hardwoods?

My very favorites are the totally ambiguous ones that could be any freaking color:

Grandma's Refrigerator - guess that would depend on your or her age, or if they are talking about the insides or the outsides. This happens to be yellow.

Inheritance - which is NOT the color of money.

Japanese Maze, Fragrant Cloud [I imagine some foul green colored cartoon cloud coming right out of someone's arse], Precocious, Forever Young, Simply Irresistible, Urban Legend, Leap of Faith [who would use this color?], Temptation, Marry Me, and Beautiful In My Eyes [clearly hideous in anyone elses].

Kind of tells a life story doesn't it?

There is even a paint game test because, really, I ask you - who knows what color the Martian Sky is unless you've been there?

Or your margarita pitcher is empty.