Sunday, November 30, 2008

My Response to the Parents Response

The picture threw me for a major loop.

I had started seeing a counselor (a first) when
I realized that every relationship I had failed.
The time had come when I knew it had to
be me. My marriage was in shambles and I
was all mixed up. Would I ever marry
again? Would I ever have children? Did I want
children? Had Bryan been my only chance?

Was every moment of grief I ever suffered
going to bring up all of the pain of losing him?

When I wrote the initial letter I read it to my
counselor - she suggested I mail it. As it turned
out she had given up a baby for adoption too.
We went over all of the possible outcomes.
Hearing back from them was at the end of the
list, as I recall it fell somewhere after
Restraining Order.

For several days the photo made me weep.
I would stare at it so hard trying to know him
from looking in his eyes. Trying to recognize him.
Trying to feel him. Trying to feel better about
giving him away...

I wrote feverishly about all that I was
experiencing - sounding, I am certain, like a
mad woman.

And then I felt a little better after about the 5th
or 6th day. I carried the photo with me wherever
I went. And then I wrote the response that I
would send.

Dear Mr. Lawyer for Parents of my Birth Son,

Thank you so much for the letter and please
tell Bryan's parents how grateful I am. If you
don't mind, I am going to write the rest of
the letter directly to them - it is just easier.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parents of my Birth Son,

I can't thank you enough for what you have
given me. It's an odd thing to give a child
away and hope for the best. If a picture is
worth a thousand words, this one is worth
a thousand times that. Bryan looks sweet
and healthy and happy and very well loved.
It's all I ever wanted for him.

I have enclosed the medical records release
form Mr. Attorney sent me. I'd be happy to
answer any other questions you have.

My husband Mr. In-The-Wrong-Place-At-
The-Wrong-Time knows all about Bryan.
He has been very supportive of this. He
sends his best too.

As for further communication - I'd be
delighted. I will follow your lead, however.

Please rest assured that I understand the
delicacy of this situation - I only want what
is best for Bryan - as I always have.

My best to you all,



And then there was silence...

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At November 30, 2008 at 10:47 PM , Blogger Karen said...

silence? for how long?

At December 1, 2008 at 5:54 AM , Blogger su said...

These 2 posts make my throat ache... Please be well and kind to yourself.

At December 1, 2008 at 10:20 AM , Blogger ewe are here said...

So brave...sad and brave.

At December 2, 2008 at 8:17 AM , Blogger Merrily Down the Stream said...

Note to self:
No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.
Hal Borland

At December 2, 2008 at 11:26 AM , Blogger Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Oh wow. I've read through and gotten caught up. I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with what a selfless thing you did at 19. At that age, most of us think we can handle anything and we don't think too much about the effect our decisions will have on others. It's wonderful that you had the wisdom and the love for your baby to give him something better than you could provide.

And then, again at 31 you reached out. I imagine he'll want to know more about the woman who gave him life, and then gave him a chance for the best life he could have.

I'm wondering if you've heard from him, hoping you have, if not, that you will.

At December 3, 2008 at 9:57 PM , Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

Gah! for how long?

You and yer derned cliff hangers!

At December 4, 2008 at 3:58 PM , Blogger MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

Again, I am left only wanting to know more with my heart aching!

At December 8, 2008 at 11:07 PM , Blogger Zellmer said...

I can't imagine how hard that must have been, and must continue to be. Thank you for sharing.

At December 9, 2008 at 9:39 AM , Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

Looking forward to hearing more.


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