My Response to the Parents Response

The picture threw me for a major loop.

I had started seeing a counselor (a first) when

I realized that every relationship I had failed.

The time had come when I knew it had to

be me. My marriage was in shambles and I

was all mixed up. Would I ever marry

again? Would I ever have children? Did I want

children? Had Bryan been my only chance?

Was every moment of grief I ever suffered

going to bring up all of the pain of losing him?

When I wrote the initial letter I read it to my

counselor - she suggested I mail it. As it turned

out she had given up a baby for adoption too.

We went over all of the possible outcomes.

Hearing back from them was at the end of the

list, as I recall it fell somewhere after

Restraining Order.

For several days the photo made me weep.

I would stare at it so hard trying to know him

from looking in his eyes. Trying to recognize him.

Trying to feel him. Trying to feel better about

giving him away...

I wrote feverishly about all that I was

experiencing - sounding, I am certain, like a

mad woman.

And then I felt a little better after about the 5th

or 6th day. I carried the photo with me wherever

I went. And then I wrote the response that I

would send.

Dear Mr. Lawyer for Parents of my Birth Son,

Thank you so much for the letter and please

tell Bryan's parents how grateful I am. If you

don't mind, I am going to write the rest of

the letter directly to them - it is just easier.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parents of my Birth Son,

I can't thank you enough for what you have

given me. It's an odd thing to give a child

away and hope for the best. If a picture is

worth a thousand words, this one is worth

a thousand times that. Bryan looks sweet

and healthy and happy and very well loved.

It's all I ever wanted for him.

I have enclosed the medical records release

form Mr. Attorney sent me. I'd be happy to

answer any other questions you have.

My husband Mr. In-The-Wrong-Place-At-

The-Wrong-Time knows all about Bryan.

He has been very supportive of this. He

sends his best too.

As for further communication - I'd be

delighted. I will follow your lead, however.

Please rest assured that I understand the

delicacy of this situation - I only want what

is best for Bryan - as I always have.

My best to you all,

Love,

Merrily

And then there was silence...