Recesses of the heart

Thursday was The Dolly and The Bunny's last day of first grade.

Bryan and his girlfriend Alexis usually pick the munchkins  

up from school on Thursdays and we all agreed a celebration 

was in order. Alexis had her five year old son with her - 

Zane-O-Mane and he had just finished his school year as well.

They all went off to play while I finished up some work.

When they returned we decided on the kids favorite Mexican 

restaurant. 

Now these children were plenty wound up from ice cream 

on the last day of school, swimming AND jumping on the 

trampoline, not to mention that Zany and the Bunny throw 

down when they are together. A veritable tumbleweed of 

feet and fists and laughter and sometimes tears.

We sat down to eat and things started getting a little rowdy.

All three were sharing a window bench and the boys were 

next to each other. Lots of jockeying for position...

As soon as they finished we turned them out to play and we 

finished our meal watching them right outside the window.

The Dolly came running in obviously distraught and rushed 

right past me into Bryan's arms. It seems she and Zane-O had 

collided and Dolly had caught his head with her upper lip.

She clung to Bryan and he hugged her hard as he whispered to her.

I brought her some ice for her bleeding, swelling lip and after 

about five minutes she wanted to go back out and play.

Several things were revealed in this incident. 

My daughter is so much tougher than her twin brother - who 

knows how long that scene would have lasted if it had been him.

She didn't blame Zane - just said that they had run in to each 

other and then quickly wanted to get back out and play with 

him some more. Again, very different scenario if it had been 

my dramatic and long suffering Bunny.

I felt a rush of emotion when she ran past me to Bryan for 

comfort. My heart swelled with gratitude that these siblings 

all love each other so much and I understand now how MOB 

[Mom-of-Bryan] feels about all of us. When there is plenty of 

love and an honest to goodness wanting of the best for all 

there is no jealousy, only gratitude and tenderness for all 

concerned.

When the Dolly ran out I noticed that Bryan was misty eyed.

It had really choked him up that she was hurt and he wanted 

to fix it and I think there was somewhat of an overwhelming 

feeling about the depth of his emotions for his little siblings. 

It is A Genuine Mutual Admiration Society.

I told him that he had just had a genuine taste of parenting,

wanting to take their pain for them, wanting to fix them up,

wanting them to never get hurt, wanting to protect them and 

realizing at the same time that you can't.

And I thanked the universe and the gods of fertility and medicine 

for my very unique family: a 30 year old birth son [of my high 

school sweetheart] who I have had the singular pleasure of getting 

to know for the last 10 years and been in the same city with for the 

last two; amazingly beautiful and fun girl/boy 7 year old twins as a 

result of in vitro fertilization that I birthed at the age of 42; one 

crazy, verbal rescue labrador who makes me laugh several times 

every single day; and a handsome, loving, funny husband who 

embraces the whole lot of us.

And then of course, MOB, who taught Bryan that he was extra 

special because he had two mothers who loved him so much. 

She helped pave the way for our reunion.

And in this chaos, this clamor and crying and fighting, the shrieks 

of laughter and the split lips and the scrapes, the wailing for 

'Mommy!' or 'Daddy!' - there is a peace ...

and a stillness ...

and a little place deep in the recesses of this birth mother's heart

that has finally healed.