Friday, May 29, 2009

Recesses of the heart

Thursday was The Dolly and The Bunny's last day of first grade.

Bryan and his girlfriend Alexis usually pick the munchkins  
up from school on Thursdays and we all agreed a celebration 
was in order. Alexis had her five year old son with her - 
Zane-O-Mane and he had just finished his school year as well.

They all went off to play while I finished up some work.
When they returned we decided on the kids favorite Mexican 

Now these children were plenty wound up from ice cream 
on the last day of school, swimming AND jumping on the 
trampoline, not to mention that Zany and the Bunny throw 
down when they are together. A veritable tumbleweed of 
feet and fists and laughter and sometimes tears.

We sat down to eat and things started getting a little rowdy.
All three were sharing a window bench and the boys were 
next to each other. Lots of jockeying for position...
As soon as they finished we turned them out to play and we 
finished our meal watching them right outside the window.

The Dolly came running in obviously distraught and rushed 
right past me into Bryan's arms. It seems she and Zane-O had 
collided and Dolly had caught his head with her upper lip.

She clung to Bryan and he hugged her hard as he whispered to her.
I brought her some ice for her bleeding, swelling lip and after 
about five minutes she wanted to go back out and play.

Several things were revealed in this incident. 

My daughter is so much tougher than her twin brother - who 
knows how long that scene would have lasted if it had been him.

She didn't blame Zane - just said that they had run in to each 
other and then quickly wanted to get back out and play with 
him some more. Again, very different scenario if it had been 
my dramatic and long suffering Bunny.

I felt a rush of emotion when she ran past me to Bryan for 
comfort. My heart swelled with gratitude that these siblings 
all love each other so much and I understand now how MOB 
[Mom-of-Bryan] feels about all of us. When there is plenty of 
love and an honest to goodness wanting of the best for all 
there is no jealousy, only gratitude and tenderness for all 

When the Dolly ran out I noticed that Bryan was misty eyed.
It had really choked him up that she was hurt and he wanted 
to fix it and I think there was somewhat of an overwhelming 
feeling about the depth of his emotions for his little siblings. 
It is A Genuine Mutual Admiration Society.

I told him that he had just had a genuine taste of parenting,
wanting to take their pain for them, wanting to fix them up,
wanting them to never get hurt, wanting to protect them and 
realizing at the same time that you can't.

And I thanked the universe and the gods of fertility and medicine 
for my very unique family: a 30 year old birth son [of my high 
school sweetheart] who I have had the singular pleasure of getting 
to know for the last 10 years and been in the same city with for the 
last two; amazingly beautiful and fun girl/boy 7 year old twins as a 
result of in vitro fertilization that I birthed at the age of 42; one 
crazy, verbal rescue labrador who makes me laugh several times 
every single day; and a handsome, loving, funny husband who 
embraces the whole lot of us.

And then of course, MOB, who taught Bryan that he was extra 
special because he had two mothers who loved him so much. 
She helped pave the way for our reunion.

And in this chaos, this clamor and crying and fighting, the shrieks 
of laughter and the split lips and the scrapes, the wailing for 
'Mommy!' or 'Daddy!' - there is a peace ...

and a stillness ...

and a little place deep in the recesses of this birth mother's heart
that has finally healed.

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At May 30, 2009 at 12:23 AM , Blogger Leendaluu said...

oh sweetie... I love you. [even if you made me cry]

At May 30, 2009 at 2:57 AM , Blogger Laura - Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy? said...

I am so happy for you. So many people in similar situations lose out because of jealousy.

You have all done what is best for Bryan all the way and you are now reaping the rewards!

At May 30, 2009 at 7:28 AM , Blogger athens runner said...

Ahhh!! What a lovely post... you had me welling up in tears!!!

Meanwhile, I can only hope that I one day will be as lucky as you.

Love xx

At May 30, 2009 at 8:29 AM , Blogger natasha the exile on Mom Street said...

I hope that someday my own little boy will find love and acceptance if he seeks out his birthmother.

Through you I know that it's at least possible.
Great post.

At May 30, 2009 at 11:59 AM , Blogger Laura ~Peach~ said...

wonderful stuff your brian was one lucky guy to have two great moms... i got the polar opposite... but its still all good. because they taught me exactly what i do not want to be so as along as i do the oppostite of them then i am doing great!
love the closeness of the siblings... me and mine are not so lucky.

At May 30, 2009 at 5:38 PM , Blogger Stella said...

This was positively wonderful in so many ways!

At May 30, 2009 at 7:21 PM , Blogger Mommy2Joe said...

You know, I know we don't know each other, and maybe you'll think this is weird - but I just love you! I mean, I love the way you write and the way you tell us your story and share your perspective, and I'm certain if we were neighbors I'd totally want to be your friend. Thanks for writing this.

At May 30, 2009 at 7:44 PM , Blogger Krystyn said...

You are so lucky to have a loving and unique family.

At May 31, 2009 at 7:12 PM , Blogger ewe are here said...

A truly lovely post... :-)

At May 31, 2009 at 9:29 PM , Blogger The Sour Kraut said...

I LOVED this post. Very heartfelt. It made me tear up.

I love those "stop and take it in" moments in life. I'm glad you let us in on that one.

You're all so lucky to have each other.

At May 31, 2009 at 10:48 PM , Blogger EatPlayLove said...

how incredibly beautiful.

At June 1, 2009 at 7:54 PM , Blogger The Things We Carried said...

and a little place deep in the recesses of this birth mother's heart
that has finally healed.

Just beautiful!

At June 2, 2009 at 10:09 PM , Blogger Mary Ellen said...

What a beautiful moment, and so beautifully told. I wish every day that my birth mother would open her heart to me, and you give me hope that it can happen.

I'm all choked up. Thanks for this.

At June 4, 2009 at 3:30 PM , Blogger Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Aw, that is really incredible! You are so blessed, and what a sweet heart Bryan has to be so touched by his siblings and so good to them.

At June 4, 2009 at 4:09 PM , Blogger MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

Oh what a powerful and passionate post. That? Perfection.

At June 4, 2009 at 7:02 PM , OpenID laughingatchaos said...

You know, I just did some mental do NOT look like you have a 30 year old son!!! Never, EVER would have guessed.
Beautiful post. :)

At June 5, 2009 at 11:49 AM , Blogger undercover caterer said...

I'm a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

Strange though, to hear there's another Zane out there in the world.

At June 13, 2009 at 6:59 PM , Blogger Such Lovely Freckles said...

Oh my, you made me tear up just now. How beautifully written. Thank you.

At June 15, 2009 at 12:42 AM , Blogger Lily Hydrangea said...

Your story, oh my gosh! How beautiful is that?! You are a blessed woman who knows she is blessed & that is the real beauty of it all.
funny you should comment on my blog today because I just posted another weird dream, hint-hint.

At June 15, 2009 at 7:22 AM , Blogger Vodka Mom said...

i wasn't planning on crying this early in the morning.

thanks a lot.



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