Letter Dated August 6, 1999

Dear MOB,


OK - you're going to think I'm a kook but I do have some questions. What is he like? What does he like to do? (are these broad, sweeping questions, or what?) I'm trying to locate Braves tickets - I actually got some but they are nosebleed seats but I have several people on it. I just assume everybody loves baseball but of course, I didn't follow it till I lived around a winning team! Is Melanie his girlfriend? Does he do athletic kind of things? I seem to remember that when I signed the papers that Dan was a golf pro - does Bryan like to golf? (we don't but we could point them to a course) Do they like museums, art, music?


As the time gets closer I seem to get calmer - this has all happened so fast, if someone had told me a month ago that Bryan would be at our house next Sunday I would not have believed it. I think it is better that it is happening quickly - I tend to over think things instead of just waiting and letting them develop as they may. At first I was so concerned that I wouldn't live up to what ever he may be looking to find but then I realized I have no idea what he expects, nor he I. I just am happy for the opportunity to meet him and get to know him and love him for what ever he is. And I look forward to meeting you as well and I appreciate so much your openness to all of this and your openness with me. I finally put those books away - they were kind of spooky and were full of weird situations that are so unlike this. Bryan is very happy being adopted and loves you both and I was not forced to do anything nor do I have regrets about my decision*. It seems the books are written by people who were really affected by the closed adoption process and/or were put into bad situations. Maybe you and I can write a book about this one!


In the meantime we are busting our butts on the kitchen - the plumber and the electrician come early next week to install appliances and light fixtures - the kitchen will be finally up and running after 6 or 8 weeks! I can't wait to cook again!


I look forward to hearing from you and I look forward to their arrival...


Love,


Merrily


*Lest you believe me on this - don't. This decision was very painful and has had LONG repercussions emotionally...

My sister's heart

At approximately 8:30 central time on Tuesday morning, May 11th my lovely sister T. Marie will undergo open heart surgery. It is estimated to last 3 hours. There is a 95 per cent chance they will be able to repair her prolapsed valve. She is in terrific health otherwise and the prognosis is really good.


I have heard about several open heart surgeries on friends parents or grandparents. All seemed to have good outcomes. Most of them were double or triple or quadruple bypasses. Comments were made.


It is so routine these days.


Happens all of the time.


They've really gotten it down to a science. (?)


It surely seems different when it is my younger sister. It is hard to imagine them cutting her sternum and spreading her chest although I have seen it all on television. They will ventilate her and put her on a bypass machine so that they can stop her heart to work on the valve. There will be a team working, doctors barking orders, anesthesiologists reciting stats, just like on TV.


But it will be my sister under that sheet and mask. My sister who I shared a bed with for years. My sister who I love. 


There is no reason to think anything will go wrong.


And yet...


Please hold my sister in the light.

My name is Merrily and

Hi. My name is Merrily and I am a chocoholic.

Hi Merrily.

I haven’t had a piece of chocolate in three days. 

Oh wait.

I had a fozen cafe mocha this afternoon.  

Okay. Okay. 

I haven’t had chocolate in 6 hours and 

37 minutes.

I guess it all started on my first birthday. 

I was sitting in my high chair minding my own 

business when an enormous piece of chocolate 

cake was placed on my tray in front of me. 

I tried one little morsel of that chocolate and 

it was off to the races! I was so giddy with the 

flavor I could barely hit my mouth - I slathered 

it on my face and in my hair and up and down 

my arms. And I began my secret plotting to get 

more of this incredible stuff, this manna from 

heaven, this food of the gods.

Halloweens were always tough for me. 

My sisters and I would sort all of our candy 

to see who made the best score. We would 

negotiate and trade and bicker and eat. 

My candy would be gone in no time. 

I would steal a piece here and there from 

different sisters so as not to be discovered.

And Easter? Oh the torture. My oldest sister 

would wait until my chocolate bunny was 

devoured before pulling hers out untouched. 

Licking its ears and taunting me about my 

long gone bunny. Oh, she was relentless all 

right but when I was 12 I outgrew her (no 

doubt with a little help from my chocolate) 

and she was afraid to tease me anymore.

My mother taught me how to make her 

infamous fudge. I was the only one she taught 

because it was so hard to judge the timing and 

she knew I would stick with it. It required 

stirring for about an hour after it was cooked 

to achieve the right consistency. All the while 

I would pull the full spoon up like she taught 

me, letting the thickening elixer slowly pour  

[over my finger] into the pot. By the time that 

fudge cured my stomach would ache. 

Ah but I was sated.

When I was sixteen I got a job at a little cafe 

that made hand rolled chocolates. I walked in 

the back room and discovered the large vats 

of chocolate cooling. If I waited until just the 

right moment I could pull the long spoon out 

and break off a hunk of the stuff before it 

hardened too much. [I know my chocolate, 

yessiree] I would put it in my apron 

pocket and gnaw on it all day. Good times. 

Good times.

Well I could go on and on but it was when I 

began nibbling on semi-sweet Baker's chocolate 

squares that I knew I'd hit rock bottom. I mean 

where do you go from there - dumpster diving 

for wrappers to lick?

So I stand in front of you today a broken woman. 

I can't stop - I need help. 

It will take something greater than me to make 

this craving go away. 

Does any body have any heroin???

Penises and powerlessness...

Spring break is over - praise the Lord and pass 

the mescaline! The Bunny Rabbit and The Dolly 

Llama were wearing each other out - way too much 

togetherness. And frankly they were about on my 

last nerve.

They were bickering and telling on each other and 

generally just being really sick of each others face. 

I heard them squabbling the other day and the Dolly 

ran in to tell on the Bunny.

‘Mommy? The Bunny kicked me in the penis.’

‘You don’t have a penis Dolly.’

[pregnant pause]

We all dissolve into laughter...

Perhaps a brief anatomy lesson would be in order?

                                  * * * * *

Friday night I saw The Old Crow Medicine Show at 

The Fabulous Fox Theater in Atlanta with The Husband 

Understudy. It was as raucous and rowdy and down-home-

kick-arse-show as you ever want to see. I’ve been all 

‘y’all’ and ‘fixin’ to’ and ‘your mom-n-’em’ ever since.

                                  * * * * *

We’ve been having some VERY irratic weather here 

in The Deep South - I know y’all Up North are feeling 

extra sorry for me but we often get all four seasons 

every week. Occasionally we get weather that we are 

clearly not meant to be getting. Back in the early 90’s 

we got a hurricane through here and we are at least a 

five or six hour drive from the ocean any way you slice 

it. And I drive pretty fast. I lost all power for one week. 

Seems a big ole tree tangled with some powerlines and 

phone lines, tore the lines apart and made a fierce 

little electrical fire. I could see the white light where 

the live wire lay on the ground from 10 houses away. 

There were little fires all along the wires strung between 

the poles. I walked by the spot the next day where the 

heat had turned the sand on the ground to glass. 

Now THAT is something you don’t see every day. 

Unless you are a glass blower. Even then I expect 

you’d have a day off here and there.

Lately we’ve been having some humdinger storms. 

Wind and drenching rains and thunder and lightening. 

So much rain they say our drought is over. Problem 

with earth soaking rains and powerful gusts of winds 

after a drought is trees tend to up and tip over. 

BIG trees. OAK TREES.

Our neighbors tree tipped over smack dab on some power 

lines and a utility pole today. The utility pole snapped in 

two, the guy wire broke in the middle, all of that mess 

smashed 3 out of 4 of their next door neighbors cars and 

left a chunk of us without power. Apparently this happened 

all over the city.

Needless to say I am writing this by candlelight on a 

battery operated computer. I guess we’ll be getting power 

back sometime tomorrow. Until then I will be lulled to 

sleep by the neighbors LOUD ancient generator and the 

constant traffic being redirected to our street on account 

of the downed trees and power lines over on the main road. 

And I will be in seclusion - I am nothing without my blow dryer...

Power was restored sometime in the middle of the night...